Creating a Secure CHURCH
PART 4 : When Things Go Wrong
Chapter 16 : Secure after Conflict
16.2 Unresolved Conflicts
Conflict in itself is not the problem. The problem is that, more often than not, the conflict drags on and on and remains unresolved. We’ll see the reason why in a moment.
Unresolved Conflict in the Individual
Every Christian is a redeemed sinner and the trouble is that, although Sin’s power over us has been broken by the Cross, we still have that tendency to stray from time to time, to resort to our own thinking at variance with God’s, and that means conflict! Because we have been saved out of darkness (Col 1:13) we each come with some of the wrong thinking from that time, or because we live in a sinful world we pick up wrong thinking along the way, and that means conflict!
Wrong Thinking about Myself
Within the individual that wrong thinking often denies the truth of who they are in Christ. Because bad things have been said to us about us by others, or because we have been through circumstances where we’ve failed or been rejected by others, we can have a low sense of self worth which denies the truths we hear preached, that you are a child of God fully accepted by Him (1 Jn 3:1 & 2:1)
Wrong Thinking about God
Again, perhaps because of the negative experiences that we may have had in life, we feel negative about God and find it difficult when we hear preaching that says God is love and He loves us (Rom 8:28-39). This is inner conflict which needs resolving.
Wrong Thinking about Others
Because of the things we’ve already covered in the above two paragraphs, we not only feel bad about ourselves but we also feel bad about others. The reason for this is that we feel threatened by anyone who either seems different from us or thinks differently from us. We thus find ourselves thinking negative thoughts about them, even though they may never have harmed us in any way. In ourselves we know that we are taught to love our neighbour (Mt 19:19) and to love other Christians (Jn 13:34) but because of our feelings from the past we find it difficult. This is inner conflict needing resolution.
Unresolved Conflicts between Individuals
Person ‘A’ says something to person ‘B’ that upsets or offends them. Person ‘B’ either reacts defensively and says something harsh back, or in defence retreats and nurses an injured pride. At this simple level we have an unresolved conflict.
Why such Conflicts remain Unresolved
In the vast majority of cases in Christian circles this sort of thing occurs and the thing is pushed under the carpet and forgotten, but the truth is that it is not forgotten because it is still an unresolved conflict, it still exists as such.
The Fact of Unresolved Conflict
It is crucial to understand this, that until there has been a right, Scriptural resolution, the conflict still exists. Nobody may be saying anything and everybody may be apparently getting on with their life, but the truth is that under the surface the conflict is still there. It has not gone away, it has not evaporated or dissolved, it is just hidden.
Give me a Quiet Life
Most of us prefer a quiet life; most of us are happy that there is no further explosion or upset. Most of us are happy to live with unresolved conflict, because it looks the easy way out. We live on with the unresolved conflict because we think it will just go away – but it doesn’t!
Effects of Unresolved Conflict
Because Christians are good at papering over the cracks we think everything is all right, but actually underneath it isn’t. There are a number of things that need addressing:
Guilt: In a case of unresolved conflict, no one is innocent (we’ll see why later) and in each one of us there is a measure of guilt that needs dealing with.
Disharmony with God: God is holy and conflict is not, and so while it still exists in an unresolved state, we also have an unresolved issue with God.
Disharmony with others: If the others don’t live near us we tend to forget them, but it still means there is someone on this earth with whom we have a longstanding issue that is unresolved. If we still encounter them in daily or weekly life, we will never be at complete peace in their presence until it has been dealt with.
The enemy: Because there is unrighteous business yet to be cleared up, it gives Satan an opportunity to play on your mind and cause further upset in your thinking.
