Creating a Secure CHURCH
PART 4 : When Things Go Wrong
Chapter 17 : Thinking about Forgiveness
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another” (Col 3:13)
17.1 Facing Forgiveness
In the last chapter we looked at the means of dealing with a Conflict situation. Christians so often seem to have difficulties over forgiveness and so this chapter is given over to that subject.
We seek to flee from people that we find difficult, whereas God wants to use them to bring us to the end of ourselves and so rely on Him for grace to cope with them. In that we become more and more like Jesus. Thus it is that the enemy will try to emphasise our differences and make us isolationists, especially isolating or pushing away those we feel are unlike us and lacking the grace we believe we have.
The tactics the enemy uses are either
• to accentuate our differences (or more particularly from our viewpoint their differences) or
• to create outright hostility whereby hurt, opposition or upset cause us to maintain a wrong defensive attitudes towards others.
Because we have already been thinking about the ‘differences’ issue, we now move to consider the ‘hostility’ issue which raises the whole question of forgiveness.
A Divine Imperative
Our Colossians 3:13 verse gives us no room for manoeuvre – we’re TOLD to forgive. Part of our ‘putting up with people’ is to be the thing we call forgiveness, and the reason we’re to do it is twofold:
• We’re commanded to by God, and
• He’s done it for us, so we should for others.
This unforgiveness may be ‘baggage’ from the past or a present reality, but it’s a power block to the life of an individual or the life of a church. Obviously if there is unforgiveness there is a blockage to forming a proper relationship. Many an individual’s potential has been squashed because they have allowed unforgiveness to blight their life. Many a church has been rendered powerless because unresolved conflicts have raged and unforgiveness has prevailed.
Earlier in the book we were considering people-quirks or character blemishes that we’ve found difficult, but now we need to move on to consider how we respond to those who specifically offend us or, to be more precise, who sin against us.
Examples
Audrey gives the impression of being an ordinary, staid, faithful Christian who never seems to go anywhere with her faith, and she’s a frustration to her leaders who see such potential in her. Inside she’s locked up with guilt that comes from unforgiveness. Years ago she failed her daughter. The details don’t matter. Just know that through it all she acknowledged her wrong and asked her daughter’s forgiveness – but it was not forthcoming. The bitterness that had grown in her daughter spat out, “I’ll never forgive you. I hate you!” That unforgiveness from her daughter acted like a heavy weight within Audrey. She did all the things Christians do, but inside was this weight that was unresolved guilt. Unforgiveness by another had locked up her life.
For Bob it was the other way around. In a previous church the leaders had made a promise to Bob which they had never kept, or so he believed. As a result Bob was harbouring resentment and unforgiveness, both of which acted like a brake on his life. The fact that the unforgiveness was based upon a misunderstanding didn’t in any way diminish its impact. Bob was another one of those church members who are there – but not!
Others encouraged him to join in the life of the church but the grudge from the past somehow acted to dampen his whole life. The reality is that unforgiveness can be THE major stumbling block to creating a secure church, yet forgiveness is not an option, it is a divine command.
What happens in a bad relationship situation is that one person offends another person and the second person feels upset with them and harbours bad feelings against them. That’s what we call unforgiveness. So how can we help one another deal with it?
